“I Love You, But Now I Have to Sleep” or Why It May Be a Good Idea to Have Separate Beds

It is natural for couples to sleep together, isn’t it? It is the sign of intimacy and illustrates the “happily ever after” picture. If spouses choose to sleep in separate beds it usually means that they have troubles in their relationships, or at least that is what many of us think. Anyway, maybe it is not a really bad idea to sleep separately after all, as there are just too many things that may irritate you in the way your partner sleeps.

  1. Different Schedules.

You are a night owl, when he is an early bird, so you always try to be as quiet as possible when you go to bed but still keep waking him up. Or maybe you prefer to be early in bed, and always wake her up with your alarm at 5 AM. No matter what situation you are in, you are not alone because many Americans report being disturbed by the sleeping schedules of their spouses.

  1. Snoring.

Perhaps, snoring is the most often reported problem when people complain about sleeping together. Sometimes it is impossible to fall asleep because of these sounds, and in other times, the noise can easily disturb your sleep at night. Some people prefer to wake their partners up to finally listen to the silence, but it usually only leads to both of them staying awake for the rest of the night.

  1. Temperature Preferences.

How many times have you had this argument with your partner when he wants to leave the window open for the night, and you are already freezing, even though you covered yourself with three warm blankets? This situation usually leads to one of you being unable to sleep in such temperature conditions, which results in the moodiness in the morning and tiredness for the whole day.


  1. Sleepwalking.

Imagine: you have just managed to fall asleep and see the most beautiful dream in your life, when your partner wakes you up and starts to say some weird things. After a minute or so, he goes back to sleep, but you have already lost the ability to go back to sleep, so you just lay staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night and simply wish that you were sleeping alone.

  1. Sleeping Routines.

Some of us like to watch TV before going to bed, while others prefer listening to soft music or reading, and it is perfectly normal. What is not normal is the fact that these habits do not always go along with the ones that your spouse has. It can ruin the quality bed time for both of you because there is a real chance that one of you will have the bedtime routine ruined and blame the partner for it. Such situations lead to serious fights, and these are truly not good for the relationships, right?

  1. Sleeping Positions.

The way you arrange your bodies on the bed is crucial for getting the quality night’s rest. You are lucky if both of you like to cuddle and find this position comfortable for sleeping. But what if your partner likes to hug you during the night, when you wake up every time someone touches you during your sleep? Or what if she likes to sleep in a position of the starfish, so her palm eventually ends up on your face? Such misconnections can be a reason of many sleepless nights for either one or both of you.

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What to Do If I Cannot Sleep Together With My Partner?

First, definitely, not to panic. 25% of Americans report that they sleep apart from their partners, and it does not mean that they feel like their relationships are a wreck. In fact, scientists say that sleep disturbances are 50% more likely to happen when you sleep with someone else rather than alone. The best way to solve this problem is to talk with your spouse and discuss this problem. This way, you will be sure that he or she understands your problem, so together you will be able to solve it more efficiently.

How Sleeping Apart Affects Relationships?

Some may think that separate beds (or even bedrooms) have negative effect on the relationships and that they illustrate the distance you create between each other. However, such “sleep divorce” is not a really bad idea because here are the benefits it has.

  1. Quality Alone Time

No matter how happy relationships are, sometimes it is just necessary for you two to be alone, especially when one of you is an introvert. Sleeping for 8 hours in separate beds can definitely guarantee you this opportunity. Thus, you two will not get tired of each other and will have more energy to share with your partner.

  1. Better Sleep

The initial purpose of sleeping in separate beds is getting a good night’s sleep, and it definitely meets its purpose. When you can set the perfect temperature, go to bed in a comfortable time and be sure that you won’t be disturbed during the night, you will for sure have a better rest.

  1. Better Connection with Each Other

It all starts when you declare the fact that you have an issue with sleeping together, which already requires serious levels of trust between the partners in a couple. Through sharing your concerns and issues with your spouse and listening to his or her feedback, you learn to listen to each other and start to understand each other better, which benefits the relationships.

However, another issue that people face when thinking about sleeping apart from their partner is the question of sex because it seems like the moment you stop sleeping together, you will stop having sex as well. However, this is a total misconception because, if sleeping separately, sex will become a more valuable pre-arranged process rather than just something you do when you cannot fall asleep.

  1. More Stable Relationships

When both of you has quality night’s rest, you will have a better mood during the day, which generally benefits the climate inside the couple. If you still have doubts that “sleep divorce” will ruin your marriage, here is a story of a couple that will prove you wrong.


The decision of whether to sleep together or separately depends, for sure, only on you and your partner. However, if you feel like you’d be better sleeping alone, do not hesitate sharing your thoughts with your spouse because, who knows, maybe he or she feels the same way.